Rapture
by Capheine
Summary: [Complete] When Yuki parts for a possible cure, Kyou and Tohru's feelings deepen... but what happens when Fate decides to step in at the worst possible time?
1. Alone Together

-- Rapture --  

**Chapter 1 - Alone Together**

Tuesday November 04, 2003

**_Scribbler's ramblings:_**_ Another fic that I've decided to write.  This plot originally came from my "beloved" friend BakaBabi, but she didn't want to write it for fear of ruining the idea.  HaHA!  But I, Capheine, am brave enough to take on this challenge, and have begun to write this fic._

_            Okay, enough with the nonsense.  Here goes the first chapter._

**_Disclaimers:_**_ No, this isn't the chapter (if it was, it would be one crackery chapter).  These are disclaimers saying that I don't own Fruits Basket… or this plot.  I just own the words! Sort of._

-=+=-

            "Come closer Yuki," Akito beckoned.  "Or are you afraid of your _master_?"

            Bent down upon his knees and eyes concentrated on the floor, Yuki inched up a bit closer towards the monster.

            Evidently, it wasn't close enough.

            Akito seized Yuki by the hair and dragged him so that their noses almost touched, "I said closer my pet!  Or do you not understand?!  Remember Yuki, boy, you live only to serve and obey me!  That and nothing more!  Or maybe an accident will befall your precious…"

            Up until that moment, Yuki had been imagining a place far, far away from here.  Any place; Osaka, Hawaii, the Arctic.  But Akito's last few words brought him thundering back to reality.  His eyes snapped open, and stared back at Akito boldly.

            Yuki's newfound bravery surprised Akito, and he let go of his hair.  The look of seething hatred didn't leave his eyes though, "You live only to obey, Yuki.  Only to obey _me_."

            Colour rose into Yuki's cheeks, but he contained his anger and annoyance.  He settled back down onto his knees, and neatened his hair.  "I realize, Akito-sama, that you brought me here for other reasons than to harass me."

            "You were always the smart one Yuki," Akito maliciously chuckled, his displeasure visibly disappearing.  "I have a task for you, rat.  A special task that you, and only you, can and will carry out for me.  Understand?"

            Yuki glared distrustfully back at him.  Task?

            Akito didn't wait for an answer, "You must travel to Tokyo - alone.  There, you will find a cure…"

            A cure?  Oh dear God no!  Did this mean that Akito had found a cure for whatever mystery disease had plagued him the last 26 years of his life?  For too long had Yuki been waiting for him to just up and die, depart from Earth and leave its dwellers in peace.  But now, a cure?  No no no, this could not possibly be happening!

            "… a cure for what you have so aptly named the Sohma curse."

            Yuki's thoughts changed from frightened to disbelieving.  Had Akito just said what Yuki thought he said?  A cure for the curse?

            Apparently, Akito was expecting this reaction.  He leaned casually against his silk pillows and flicked his dark hair back.  "Oh yes, my dear Yuki, a cure from the horrible, terrible, save-me-please curse.  With it, you will be able to free yourself from the transformation," he spat.

            "Th-thank you Akito," Yuki said, three words he otherwise would never have included in the same sentence.  "May I be excused to tell the rest of the Jyuunishi … and Kyou?"

            "No," Akito replied simply.

            "But… but why?"

            "Like I've already told you, mouse, you and only you can complete this task.  You and only you will bring back the cure.  You and only will benefit from this," Akito pointed out, as if it was the most obvious thing in the entire world.

            "And how would you know?" Yuki asked incredulously.  Surely there was some way to ensure that all of his cursed relatives would be freed.

            Akito's face twisted into sudden anger, "Are you questioning me Yuki?!  Do you not believe that I know!?  I've given you the opportunity to be freed of something you've always hated and yet you still wish to question my actions!"

            He smashed Yuki across the face.

            The surprise of the attack left Yuki in shock and stunned pain.  "Never _ever_, question me Yuki.  You live only to obey," the evil one flatly murmured.

            "Fine.  Fine, I'll go."  His cheek stung, and his eyes were watery.  He stretched up from his kneeled position and strode towards the door.

            "Never disobey me Yuki.  Because I know.  I know every move you make, every word you speak, every time you inhale.  Never disobey me."

            Never.

-=+=-

            "Ano, Kyou … umm … you're sitting on my skirt," Tohru timidly pointed out.

            "Oh, oh!  Er, so-sor-sorr… I'll get off," Kyou stuttered.  "Baka.  Next time, don't even let me sit on your skirt.  Don't be so clueless, and you should stand up for yourself more."

            "Of-of course, Kyou," Tohru responded.

            It was their first night alone.  Yuki had left to Tokyo for something he wouldn't mention, and Shigure was away at a writer's convention.

            Yuki had left without departing words, and Shigure's farewells had come from behind a splintered wall.  "I was only trying to teach you some useful posit –" followed by another punch.

            So they were alone.  Together.  And things could not have been more awkward.

            "So… so what do you want for dinner, Kyou?"

            "Ah, baka!  Pick yourself, don't always be so dependent on others!"

            "Oh, yes… yes."

            "Yea…"

            That was their longest conversation all night.

            Tohru had panicked and fussed, and finally chosen to have breakfast for dinner.  She prepared home-made waffles and oatmeal scattered with strawberries.  Kyou grabbed the milk and syrup from the fridge and set the low table for their meal.

            They ate in peace.  Too much peace.  Awkward-could-hear-the-crickets peace.

            _Say.  Something.  Say.  Something. Say something.  Say something. Say something, say something, saysomethingsaysomethingsaysomething, over and over the annoying voice in Kyou's head repeated.  __And what exactly do you want me to say?! Kyou thought, getting angry at himself.  __Something intelligent, duh!_

            "Umm, wow, the sun's bright, eh?" Kyou forced, tired from all his brain work.

             "Ano… It's night right now, Kyou," Tohru said, pointing out the window into the darkened sky.

            "Oh, yes, of course… but I was just talking about the sun in general," Kyou replied, hoping to save himself from embarrassment.  But already his face was colouring and he was cursing to himself, _Baka baka baka… he gazed into his lap, which he suddenly found particularly interesting._

            Tohru panicked, _AI!  Of course Kyou was talking about the sun in general!  How could you be so foolish Tohru?!  'Kaasan would be ashamed!  _She folded her delicate hands onto her lap.

            _If only he knew, she thought._

            _If only she knew, he thought._

            They both looked into each others' eyes, but then looked down sharply when they noticed the other staring.

            _Ahhh, stupid stupid stupid… thought Tohru._

_            …stupid stupid stupid!_ continued Kyou.

            They both reached over for the syrup and withdrew their hands quickly when they realized the other was also reaching for it.  Tohru's light, clumsy hand bumped and spilt the milk.  "AH!  Gomenasai, gomenasai, gomenasai!!" Tohru gasped, grabbing a towel and wiping up the milk.

            "It's okay, don't worry about it!  It wasn't all you fault," Kyou comforted, grabbing another towel and also drying the milk.

            Tohru's brown locks fell in front of her face, and Kyou brushed away the strands of hair from her cheek.  It was then they realized their faces were only centimetres away.

            Kyou blushed and froze.  So did Tohru.

            _So close… they both thought, and turned to gaze at each other._

            _So close… their faces nearing, and tilting to fit each others' lips._

            _So close… and yet so far away, as they widened their eyes and leapt away from each other._

            "I'll-I'll clean this milk up," Tohru faltered, grabbing the rag and vigorously wiping at a spot on the table, knocking the syrup and sugar over simultaneously.

            "And, I'll go upstairs to do… stuff," Kyou said, dashing out the door and sprinting upstairs noisily.

            Once away from each others' presence they stopped and thought.  Tohru with sugar and syrup melting into one another before her, Kyou gasping for breath and heart beating fast.

            _So close._

-=+=-

**_Scribbler's ramblings: _**_So there!  By far, the easiest and shortest chapter that I've ever written.  Wha-cha!  I'm glad this chapter came so easily… especially since I'm trying to make this fic fluffy (augh, fluff so incredibly difficult to write for a witch like me)._

_            Remember, flamethrowers are okay as long as they're constructive._

_            And now for shameless advertising of other stories!_

_            If you want to squander your time then you can read my other fics, My Tomorrow and To Gaze at Wonder.  Both are one shots, but if you want to read something longer, you can skim through Blue Moon._

_            My friends have also written pretty decent fics.  Kcarrie and her ridiculously successful parody Autumn's Farewell (based on a Korean drama), as well as The Matrix (I'll leave you to puzzle over that one)._

_            BakaBabi has 2, I repeat 2, HILARIOUS fics.  You'll get cramps, I swear.  Missing Love and Case Wide Open._

_            Okay, I'm done with my advertising._

Wednesday November 05, 2003


	2. Answers

-- Rapture --

**Chapter 2 - Answers**

Wednesday November 05, 2003

**_Scribbler's ramblings:_**_ Wow, I¡¯m starting another chapter the day I finished the last! I'm so proud, hehe, I never do this. Especially when I should probably be doing science and English homework¡¦ bleh._

_ Just a note, I'm going to push the boundaries of the curse¡¦ so if you feel that there's part that doesn't quite follow the rules of the curse, that's me just bending them._

_ Here's the next chapter. Enjoy._

**_Disclaimers:_**_ I'll own Furuba soon enough. Or at least Furuba manga! The first volume is due in Canada February 2004! CHA!_

-=+=-

"I need to tell you something, Tohru," Kyou murmured.

Her large brown eyes stared back at him, shining with happiness and a touch of confusion.

"I- I think I love you."

She continued staring.

"No, I mean, I love you, because I know I love you, and yea¡¦ At least I'm pretty sure that I love you, but I don't mean it that way, I mean¡¦" Kyou sputtered.

Her expression never change, still somewhat confused.

"So¡¦ I was wondering¡¦ do you - do you possibly like me? Or even maybe love me? Or sorta-kinda like me? You don't really have to say anything¡¦ but I was hoping that¡¦" Kyou tripped over words spilling from his mouth.

She remained silent.

"Kuso! I'll never get this right," Kyou said, slamming his Tohru's portrait down onto his desk.

For over half an hour he had been practicing with a framed picture of his beloved Tohru, trying and trying again to get the words right. To confess to her that he loved her, that he couldn't stand being without her and wanted to take her in his arms and¡¦

But without the right words, he couldn't bring himself to tell her. He was too afraid of upsetting her with hollow phrases and faulty expressions. He had to practice, and he had to get it right.

_I love her too much for my own good, he thought, sighing._

-=+=-

In the room beside him, Tohru was worrying over basically the same thing. She was afraid that events earlier in the evening had ruined her relationship with him. "Ahhh, how could you be so stupid Tohru? Being so dense, dumb, daft ¡¦ dupid!" she hissed to herself.

_Dupid? Was that even a word?_

"See! You're doing it again, letting yourself daydream and be so ignorant! Of course dupid isn't a word¡¦" Tohru whispered.

_Dupid wasn't a word, but stupid and cupid certainly were. Stupid cupid._

She could never bring herself to concentrate at the task at hand. She had always been a dreamy sort of person, and when she met him, her inability to focus grew. She was always lost in her head, dreaming about him. 

He had fascinated her from the beginning. The fact that he morphed into a cat was certainly interesting, but other aspects of him intrigued her. So adorable yet strong. He had the forced characteristic of tactlessness; he pretended to be completely clueless about the opposite sex. His traits reminded her more of a lost puppy rather than a cat.

He was never out of her mind. Constantly there, constantly smiling that half-smile of mystery. Happy in his own special way.

Tohru realized she had not mentioned his name once while thinking about him. Not once. As if his name was too holy to speak, to think.

_Kyou._

_Kyou in the next room, pondering about something._

_ Maybe he's thinking about me._

-=+=-

Through the bustling streets of Tokyo, Yuki stumbled towards a filthy, badly lit alley. According to the map Akito had given him, the cure, curiously named Sohma Kyuseishu, would be found in that dirty, cramped space.

_Of course, you realize that this could just be a trap to kill you. Torture and maim you¡¦ it seems like a thing Akito-sama would do, Yuki imagined, cursing himself for his blind obedience._

Another thing bothered him. He couldn't stop calling Akito, Akito-sama. Akito was no greater than him. In fact, he was a great deal weaker than him; staying holed up in his room the entire day. Akito was scum, dirt, filth¡¦ as much of a rat as Yuki was.

Deep in thought, Yuki walked absent-mindedly into a little girl. "May I help you?" she asked, barely reaching Yuki's stomach.

Yuki checked the map twice. Before him was a medicine store, tightly squashed between two other shops. Each bore brazen neon signs in need of repair, but the small, cramped shop only had a ragged cloth sign, flapping in the wind.

"May I help you?" the girl repeated, no edge of impatience or annoyance in her voice.

_This should be the place, Yuki thought. He wondered why he didn't feel more excited that this was the place - the place that would sell him the cure for his curse. Perhaps it was because he had expected something more. A palace of sorts, or even a well maintained store. But this, this was just not it._

Yuki strode past the little girl, barely noticing her anyway, and up to an old lady maintaining the shack. "Excuse me, Toshiyori-san, do you have any Sohma Kyuseishu?" he asked politely, feeling slightly foolish when she stared back at him with disbelief.

"Otoko-san, she is right there, you bumped into her just moments ago," she answered, pointing behind him, confused with his strange question.

_Bumped into? Yuki spun around to stare at the little, unclean girl. Her blue-black hair was pulled into two rough braids, and she only wore rags. _Bumped into? I bumped into the girl without transforming? Surely she couldn't be¡¦__

"Sohma Kyuseishu?" he asked.

"Yes, Oniisan?" she replied, her dirty hands tucked neatly behind her back.

"Don't lie to me! Where can I find a Sohma Kyuseishu? It's very important," Yuki questioned, not believing the grandmother's and child's foolish game. _Sohma Kyuseishu is a medicine, not a person, not some little girl who I have never bumped in to, Yuki lied to himself._

"Sumimasen, Oniisan, I tell you the truth," she said, bearing her hands to him.

Upon them, in perfect kanji, flourished the words Sohma Kyuseishu.

-=+=-

Akito's cough steadily progressed, getting worse with every strained breath. "Akito-san, I'm sorry to say, but you have a week, a week and no more, probably less," Hatori gravely reported, after examining Akito.

"A week and you shall rejoice," Akito hacked. "A week and you shall be free from my tyranny! Hahaha¡¦" His spiteful laughter turned into another fit of rough coughs.

He knew that they hated him. He could see it in their eyes; etched on their faces every time they turned to see him. Every time they knelt before him, he could sense their dislike for him. A monster, tyrant, beast. Names that had been muttered so frequently, they had lost all meaning.

They wouldn't care when he died. No one would. They wouldn't waste a second of their lives mourning. Their dictator was gone, and their lives would go on.

But his ended in a week.

A week and no more, probably less.

Was he worried? Of course not. He would have welcomed death ten years ago. Even he understood that his life had no purpose, no reason to continue living.

His hacking laughter died away, and he remained unnaturally silent for a few moments. Suddenly thoughts of anger exploded from his mind. "Out!" he screamed. "Get out NOW! Leave me in my peace! GET OUT!"

Hatori respectfully left the presence of the Sohma clan leader.

Akito collapsed into a crumpled pile of coughs and, if Hatori had bothered to listen, sobs as well.

-=+=-

_Meet me on the roof._

That was all the note had said. Five simple words.

Tohru wished there had only been three¡¦

_Ahhh, baka baka baka baka¡¦ he probably just wants to teach me something¡¦ like stances or how to not be stupid¡¦ stupid cupid¡¦ cupid¡¦ Kyou¡¦ AH! Baka baka baka baka¡¦_

-=+=-

Kyou hadn't prepared a thing. Not one word, one syllable. All he knew was that he loved her, and that he had to tell her.

But now, his once brave heart shrank back. _How could I be so stupid?!_ he asked himself. _This is going to turn out all wrong and she'll hate me forever, and baka baka baka¡¦_

Baka had become a regular part of both their vocabularies.

Tohru climbed up the ladder on the side of the house. _Kyou probably leapt up here,_ she thought. She found herself staring at his lean arms. Tohru imagined herself lying, so incredibly comfortable, in them. Her head pressed against his neck, and both of them watching the sunset. Like in those movies she had watched over and over, wishing that he had also been with her, watching; even if it was only so that he would pull the cheesy yawn-and-arm-over-shoulder move, or squeeze her hand at the romantic parts.

She stepped up the last rung, and crawled to where Kyou was sitting. The uneven shingles scraped her knees, but she couldn't have cared less. Finally beside him, she sat cross-legged.

The view was breath-taking. The rest of the city spread before them, speckled with windows of light and breezy tree tops. Yet all the beautiful scenery in the world would not have taken away the attention Kyou had for Tohru.

She shivered.

_Baka! You should've planned for a warmer time of the night!_

_ Eh¡¦ now you're going to look like a cold idiot! You should've brought a sweater!_

_ Baka baka baka baka¡¦_

_¡¦ baka baka baka!_

Before thinking any further, Kyoutook off his sweatshirt and offered it to Tohru. He still had his black T-shirt and had grown used to the cold.

Tohru gratefully accepted, and pulled the sweater over her head; Kyou's warmth comforting her. Kyou's lean arms were now exposed, and she couldn't help but wish that he could embrace her.

She was lost in her thoughts again, wishing, wanting, hoping that Kyou would do _something._

"Tohru, I love you."

Well that certainly qualified as something.

-=+=-

_A week and no more, probably less. That was what Hatori had promised. Now, lying on his deathbed Akito could not have loathed Hatori more._

¡®Probably less¡¯ had meant three, four, five, six days. ¡®Probably less¡¯ did not mean one hour.

_When I get my hands on him¡¦ Akito thought with contempt._

_When you get your hands on him, what are you gonna do? Cough all over him? Oh, I'm shaking in my boots, his conscience replied._

_Shut up._

_You shouldn't die like this, Akito. Be forgiving; be nice for once in your life, you should¡¦_

Akito mentally shot his conscience. _I told you to shut up._

Akito was alone. He was born alone and he would die alone. He had learnt that his mother had handed him carelessly to a wet nurse immediately after giving birth. Now even Fate would abandon him at his death.

_Everything, he thought. _Everything I am, I owe to myself. Absolutely everything. But nonetheless, thank you, thank you life for__

_nothing._

Nothing. Akito's shallow breaths paused forever. Nothing.

-=+=-

¡°Eh?!¡± Tohru cried, gasping at the same time.

_What have I just done?! Kyou thought, eyes widening to match Tohru¡¯s surprised expression. _

He didn¡¯t mean to say it – she had just looked so angelic, so wonderful and amazing and ¡¦ he could¡¯ve gone on forever. Even if her hair was wind-whipped, even with the fading yellow stain upon her shirt, even with her legs scraped from the shingles of the roof; he still loved her.

_You said it way too early¡¦ start with some small talk you said, be easy on her you said, but noooo being normal was never good enough for you, Kyou mocked himself for being so incredibly stupid._

She stared at him with those large brown eyes. It was like talking to her portrait, except this was very much the real thing. _Think think think, say something! Kyou flustered. ¡°Umm, yea, what I mean to say is, I – I – I love you. I honestly really truly do. You were the first to accept me; my first true friend and the first one who made me feel this way._

¡°And somehow being friends with you just isn¡¯t enough. I love you too much for my own good, and it was just something I needed to tell you. How much I love you. My Tohru.¡±

With each word he said, his voice grew softer and he leaned in to kiss her.

Her shocked expression softened, and she too leaned in, feeling his warm breath against her face.

A breeze picked up and played with their hair; tousling his orange locks, and lacing her brown ones through the air. Kyou couldn't believe how natural she looked - hair dancing in the wind, and a backdrop of gently bending trees behind her. Tohru's eyes gazed upon Kyou - his eyes dotted with fiery drops and the glow from the city behind him. All too perfect.

Perfection in one kiss. One sweet, gentle promise of better things to come. Of a knowledge that someone would always be there with you. Always, when the nights seemed forbidding and the days too blistering. To shield you from any pain or hurt. A kiss to seal that promise.

Breaking the kiss, they took a few moments to stare. Ask themselves why their hearts ached, but having a brain too muddled to answer the question. They settled down side by side, holding hands that seemingly would never let go.

They stared up at the great moon. One beautiful pale orb_._ One sky of blissful darkness. Two which matched each other so perfectly, they melded into one and only one night. 

They knew this was reality. A very dreamy, floaty reality. A reality where you could touch the crystalline drops of comfort that showered down; feel the warmth of the forgiving night. A reality where everything was so perfect, it could be mistaken for a wish.

Blissful reality. 

Good enough to be true.

The unspoken wonder of love.

-=+=-

**_Scribbler's ramblings: _**_=_=+ I thoroughly dislike writing fluff. I mean, all the cute fuzzly-wuzzly-are-they-thinking-about-me stuff I can handle. But, when it gets to actually making them kiss and stuff, I can't do it. It seems too lemony._

_ Oh well. Here ends the second chapter! Please review constructively and I hope you enjoy the story so far! CHA! (read the ads from the last chapter)_

_ Here are Japanese words that I threw in because the English words seemed out-of-character! All of these came from my dictionary though, so I'm not sure if I used them in the proper context. Toshiyori = an elderly person or old man/woman. Otoko = man or male. Oniisan = elder brother._

Thursday November 06, 2003


	3. Without

-- Rapture --

****

Chapter 3 - Without

Friday November 07, 2003

**__**

Scribbler's ramblings: Well, here's the 3rd chapter of Rapture. I don't really care that it's not ridiculously popular, but I would appreciate it if you left a **constructive** review.

Goodness, it seems like I'm begging.

=_=+ I hate being dependent.

****

Disclaimers: Fruits Basket belongs to Natsuki Takaya. This wonderful plot "belongs" to my friend, BakaBabi.

-=+=-

"A dream?" he asked.

"Yes, a dream," she replied peacefully, innocently.

"What sort of dream?" Yuki inquired, squirming for answers to this riddle. Akito had somehow known about Kyu**sei**shu. Had Akito sent Yuki there to find Kyu**sei**shu the person? Or had the brat really thought that Sei was a miracle cure?

"A colourful one," Sei replied. "I can't really describe it or anything… just, I remember there were a lot of colours. And peoples' voices. Colours and voices all swirled into one… then a prince rode in. He took me to his palace on this gigantic mouse and crowned me with a chain of jasmine flowers. And then the animals from the zodiac paraded in. They were celebrating my arrival. I remember laughing and laughing, and a princess with huge blue eyes appeared at my side. She was really nice and smiled a lot. Then the prince proposed to her and said he would protect her… and that's all I remember."

Yuki was speechless. Ever since he had met Sei, she had always been quiet, shy, innocent. Yet when she spoke about her dream, her eyes filled with this incomprehensible desire. "And when you woke up, the words were just there?" he said, motioning towards her petite hands.

"Just there. I never tried to wash them off, because I knew they had a purpose. But, _what_ purpose was beyond me," Sei explained, tracing her index finger over the black lines of her name. "I've never felt I had a purpose. I have no talents, no real skills. My parents abandoned me. All I do is work at this small store. I have had no meaning in my life whatsoever. Up until now; up until this dream.

"Up until you came." 

-=+=-

__

There's a pretty girl on the Face of the magazine, but all i see are my dirty hands turning the page.

- Jewel

-=+=-

_Doubt hand in hand with guilt makes a perfect emotional duo of turmoil. Throw love into the mixture and guess what you have. One very confused mind._

But add in an already dazed girl and her weak graspings of a new relationship and here comes chaos.

-=+=-

__

Why did he ever like me?

Why did he choose me?

Was it only because I was the first to accept him?

Why me?

These thoughts and more swirled and stuttered through Tohru's head.

_You're ignorant AND stupid AND clumsy AND… _ugly voices from the back of her mind intensified with every word.

__

Face it Tohru, you're not good enough.

You'll never be good enough for him.

Never ever.

Not while you're this ugly, this stupid, this helpless…

Tohru.

She gasped at her own unspoken name. Tohru. Somehow, she knew it was utterly worthless.

__

Tohru (shudder) looked at her reflection in the smudged mirror. Distorted images surfaced, and her large azure eyes looked pointless and blank. Her hair which was a deep chocolate brown transformed into limp strings, devoid of any personality.

__

I'm not good enough for him.

-=+=-

It lasted for a week. The wonderful universe, in which they existed so peacefully, fell to its graceful destruction in a week. A week of perfectly aware bliss. Kyou couldn't believe his entire love life had been shoved into seven days. Great romance.

He didn't know when it happened. He didn't understand how it happened. It just did. The curtains fell, the sky darkened, whatever other metaphor seemed appropriate; it happened without him realizing it.

All Kyou realized was the pain. A quiet pain that thrummed against his heart, filled every breath with sighs and weighted his smile into a depressed scowl. It _had_ been so perfect.

And only three words. Three words warning before he knew it was going to go under. "I'm sorry Kyou." He had become so familiar with those words spilling from her mouth. But the way she said them, the way they pulled her raw emotions out and clung to her lips, was caution enough that something was going to break.

-=+=-

"I'm sorry Kyou."

He looked up from his book, meeting her anxious blue eyes with an intense gaze. "Sorry? But why Tohru?" he asked, confused.

- _This is the hardest thing I'll ever have to do -_

- But I'm not good enough - 

"I'm not meant to be with you. We shouldn't be together. There's no future…" Tohru rasped, obviously having rehearsed these words before.

"What's she talking about?" Kyou thought to himself. Her spoken words were somehow blurred, muffled; they made no sense to him. They shouldn't be together? They were meant for each other; the way they knew each other, felt each other, somehow _were _one another.

- _It's heartbreaking really - _

- _I can't stand the fact we're not for each other -_

- Because of me - 

"… We can't be together. I just - I just …" she stuttered. Tohru's eyes revealed nothing. They slowly filled with blunt tears, and a solitary drop trailed down her smooth cheek. Her mouth was kept in a sickeningly straight line. How could she not feel?

"I don't love you Kyou."

Silence.

- _I'll never be good enough for you - _

"But…" Kyou reasoned.

- _There's nothing from me to you -_

"… you …"

-_ Except for my worthless love -_

"…can't…"

-_ Meaningless -_

Tohru ran from the room, her face never breaking, but her footsteps leaving an awfully hollow beat.

"…leave," Kyou whispered.

-=+=-

He couldn't stand it. He loved her too much to let her go like this. And he was angry. So incredibly pissed that she had just left him like that, without an explanation, without any words of comfort. She had just traipsed out the door like some prissy little brat who couldn't care less about anything in the world.

But he cared about her. He certainly cared about her. More than anything else in the entire world.

Kyou realized what an idiot he was being, whispering and brooding to himself in the kitchen while she was upstairs and living a perfectly fine life. He would get her back. He had to get her back, otherwise he would feel worthless for the rest of his life.

He ran up the stairs, three at a time, leaping up to find her and be angry. Be in love so much that he had to be angry. Rant and rave about what a horrible thing she had done to him, only to take her in his arms again and…

He crashed open her door and strode boldly into Tohru's room. Her pink bedspread and happy strawberry plush toy stared back at him. But where was Tohru? Taking three quick looks around her room, he couldn't find her. Odd.

He slammed the door close and ran through the hallway, whipping open multiple doors only to find the rooms empty. Kyou stampeded through the house, every vacant room only feeding his anger. Where was she?!

Running outside, Kyou swept the horizon with his gaze. Where was Tohru? His anger mixed with drops of panic, and his heart beat an unfamiliar twinge. Grabbing a low bough of a tree, he swung up and up and up, finally landing onto the roof.

And there she was.

Tohru sat along the edge, her weak knees hanging over the last shingles of the roof. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Why are you up here?!" Kyou yelled, satisfied that he was able to unleash his anger.

She turned around and stared at him. Once again her face was stoic.

"I just tore apart the house looking for you! And what the hell was that?! We can't be together!? You're lying Tohru! We have to be together! I love you and you're supposed to love me!" Kyou protested, taking a few steps towards her.

Now was the time she was supposed to run and collapse into his arms, inevitably turning him into the cat, but collapse into his arm nonetheless. 

But nothing came.

Kyou's voice lowered a notch, "Tohru?"

Her head turned back to the horizon, and she replied simply, "I don't love you Kyou."

Things were not going perfectly for Kyou. "What do you mean?! I love you Tohru! I've said that a bajillion times already! I love you! I love you! I love YOU!" he cried, a different twinge of panic disturbing his heart.

-=+=-

__

Doesn't he see how much he's hurting me? Why doesn't he see it? Why? I'm not good enough for you, Kyou! I'll never be good enough! Just leave me alone already… leave me here to die in my sadness, Tohru thought, forcing her face to reveal no emotion. She _wanted_ to run to him, she _wanted_ to tell him. But she couldn't. In all the crazily insane rules in her head, she couldn't tell him that she wasn't good enough for him. She didn't know why she wasn't telling him. Tohru just knew she couldn't. And strangely, she felt angry. Angry that Kyou was too blind to see that she wasn't good enough for him. Angry and yet sad that she wasn't good enough for him.

So confused. 

-=+=-

Kyou stopped walking towards her, because he knew that if he got any closer, he would probably push her off the roof. The anger Kyou felt towards Tohru was exploding. Bordering hate. How could she not love him? How could she leave him like this? He voice lowered ominously and he worked to keep his fury under control, "Tohru… you're mine, I love you and you're supposed to…"

It was Tohru's turn to scream, "NO! I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO! I don't have to love you Kyou! Get that through your head! I don't have to love you!"

Inside, daggers stabbed through her heart, leaving it in tatters and the rest of her innards jumbled. _Just leave me alone Kyou! I can't be with you, I'm not good enough! I'll ruin your life! I will, I will, I will! Leave me alone! Please!_ she inwardly screamed, willing him to leave her before she cracked. She loved him. She loved him with everything she had. But she had to let him go, for his sake.

"Tohru…" Kyou floundered. What was happening?

__

You're ugly AND stupid AND clumsy AND… the ugly voices sailed back into Tohru's head. She wasn't good enough for him. She knew that. Why didn't he?

They stared at one another; Kyou was confused and Tohru was torn.

And then silence.

So quiet, you could almost hear their hearts break.

And suddenly, the sound of someone coming up the ladder.

-=+=-

A familiar face popped over the edge and stared at both of them. Yuki. He gingerly climbed up the rickety ladder and stood up on the roof.

Yuki looked uncertain. His eyes concentrated on the roof tiles and he chewed on his bottom lip. He looked liked someone who was about to propose a new idea. How odd to see the princely mouse so agitated. "Yuki?! What the hell are you doing here?! I thought you were in Tokyo and…" Kyou said, bewildered.

"Shut up," Yuki interrupted, still looking wary and anxious.

"What?! You shut up! I'm talking to Tohru right now so go…" Kyou shot back, irked.

"I said shut up."

Yuki's tone was hard and blunt. Kyou clammed up; but not for long, "I'm talking to Tohru right now, and it's private so if you could leave (forever) that would be great."

"Tohru will you marry me?" proposed Yuki. He slammed down onto one knee and whipped out a velvet box.

The roof creaked.

"Wha… what?"

"Will you marry me?" Yuki repeated.

Tohru looked from Yuki to Kyou, Yuki to Kyou, Yuki to Kyou. _Anything to escape this madness. Anything to get Kyou to realize that I'm not good enough for him. Anything._ She looked back and forth again.

-=+=-

**__**

Scribbler's ramblings: This story's getting harder and harder to write… O.o; And I know style is inconsistent in this chapter. Oh well, I only have one more chapter to write and I'll be done the fic.

It's not what you think.

Saturday November 29, 2003


	4. Cracked

-- Rapture --

****

Chapter 4 - Cracked

Saturday November 29, 2003

**__**

Scribbler's ramblings: Let's see how this chapter turns out… Like I said, it's getting really hard to write, but whatever. "Warning" complete and utter disregard for the curse this chapter… O.o;

****

Disclaimers: Characters ('cept Sei) belong to Natsuki Takaya. Plot idea from BakaBabi.

-=+=-

The sun shone almost insanely. The sky was without clouds, and a ridiculously bright shade of blue. A flimsy breeze tickled the leaves of the obscenely colossal trees and bent flowers with blossoms too large for their stems. Kyou's sense of _anything_ was muddled. The deliriously irksome rat was proposing to Tohru. To the one true love of his life. Save me from the spin.

-=+=-

I knelt down before her, one knee, one proposal, one ring. Its violet-tinged diamond sparkled in the glow of the sun, and the name _Tohru_ was fancifully engraved beside it. I tried to look deeply into her eyes, but the more I tried, the stupider I felt. Not that I didn't love her. Oh, I loved her all right. I had been contemplating this proposal for a while. After all, a 20-year-old man is going to have to get married sometime. But the whole idea that it was actually happening made me nervous.

Sei's dream had really drilled the idea into my head. The prince proposing to the princess? That was no coincidence. I had never told her about my high school nickname or Tohru. When she told me about her dream, the ring in my pocket seemed to radiate an _I told you so_. I don't know how, it just did.

I hate being so confused.

At least one thing was explained. According to Hatori, Sei was Akito's niece. Apparently, Akito's sister had run away while pregnant after hearing about the Sohma family curse. Some crazy idea that distancing herself from the family would rid her of any chance of giving birth to a cursed child. Well, Sei wasn't cursed and her little family could've lived happily ever after - if Akito hadn't called them back. The damn monster. Her parents left Sei alone in Tokyo and traveled to the Sohma compound. Then they mysteriously lost their minds and memories. I wonder how that happened.

Sei was to be the next leader. Plain and simple. How ironic that this sweet little girl would replace the brooding monster of a thing as a ruler.

My thoughts whipped back to Tohru and the breezy rooftop. I tried looking into her eyes deeply again. I didn't feel any less stupid.

-=+=-

_Anything to get Kyou to realize I'm not good enough for him._

Looking at Yuki, I found his eyes were penetrating mine with unbelievable force. They seemed to drill holes into the back of my mind and see right through me. Did he notice that I still held Kyou's affection?

__

He blinked and I forced happy tears into my eyes, "Yes Yuki! Of course I'll marry you!"

I leaned over and gave him an Eskimo kiss. This only made me nearer to his deep purple eyes, and made me wonder about what he really saw.

-=+=-

She had said yes and they had paraded off the roof, chattering happily about wedding plans. A small one of course … lots of white flowers … blah blah blah and all this other crap I couldn't care less about.

Tohru was gone. And after her acceptance of the role as Yuki's bride-to-be, my senses became increasingly sharp. I noticed anything and everything. That there were 27 socks laying around the floor of my room, 54 squares on my ceiling, 7 annoyingly cheerful pigeons stuck outside my room.

And finally, Tohru's apparent attraction to Yuki. That is to say, none. The farthest contact with Yuki she'd ever had was holding hands and an Eskimo kiss. Not even a real one. Nothing like the one we shared on the roof…

A dull thrum pounded my ears; my heart was acting up again. Stupid feelings. Tohru was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. She wouldn't ever love me like the way she loved Yuki.

(Because she loves you more)

I counted 90 beats per minute, that was the 38th time I had thought that and today was the 6th day I had been holed up in my room.

I had 1 heart, and Tohru found a million ways to break it.

-=+=-

Tohru couldn't wait for the wedding. She was willingly chaining herself to Yuki. Oh no, not chaining herself - she was trapping herself. It would soon be the happiest day of her life. A day which snatched her away from Kyou and strapped her with Yuki. Hoora.

Who was she kidding? She definitely still loved Kyou, and knowing that, she couldn't fully commit herself to Yuki. Of course, she could always try to change her feelings…

"Tohru, we have to talk."

She whipped around and stared at the face of the young man behind her.

Yuki.

-=+=-

"You don't really love me do you?" he sighed.

She looked at him strangely, "W-what? Of course I love you! I wouldn't have accepted your proposal if I didn't love you. Right? Because otherwi-"

"Don't lie to me!" Yuki interjected, an unfamiliar sharpness in his voice. "You wouldn't feel the need to justify yourself if you really loved me…"

Yuki glared.

Tohru looked away.

He wavered.

So it was true. She didn't really love him.

But putting the blame on her for their crumbling relationship would be hypocrisy, because Yuki really didn't love her either.

"Tohru, don't lie to me please, because then we'll be jumbled about our true feelings towards each other," Yuki said, his tone still curiously detached.

Stillness.

Tohru lowered her head to stare at the cushion beneath her. Her mouth opened and a flood of words spilled forth, "I'm sorry Yuki, I can't love you. Really, I couldn't be any more sorry, I know that you love me and everything, and wish I could love you back because I can feel your love and there's just so much going on and I can' t let go, I can't explain."

She paused for a breath, "I know I should never have accepted your proposal if I couldn't carry through, but I thought I could love you and now I realize I can't."

Tohru slipped the engagement ring off her finger. "Honestly Yuki, I couldn't be any more sorry than I am right now. I know it's killing you, but leading you on would probably kill me. True feelings can't be denied and sooner or later you would find out. I guess I just picked now to tell you. I'm really sorry."

She bowed her head further, weighted down by shame and regret. "I love Kyou, even though I know I'm not good enough for him and there isn't anything I can try, please Yuki forgive me for this, for everything."

She looked up at Yuki's face. His eyes were emotionless and without pain. Perhaps this had gone well. Suddenly, she spotted someone behind him and her eyes traveled beyond Yuki's face. Kyou. How long had he been standing there?

Kyou was staring back at her. He parted from the door and strode outside, slamming the door behind him.

Her eyes widened and she ran, out the door and towards Kyou.

Yuki quickly turned around and reached for her hand, wanting to tell her that …

His fingers only brushed against hers, and she left the room before he could say anything. Her willing confession revealed to him more than he wanted to know. Sure, he had known that she didn't really love him. But he had expected at least a hint of hesitancy before her admission.

It hurt. True, he didn't really love her either. But he could have. He really could have. 

If only she had given him the chance.

Too late, she's gone.

-=+=-

"Kyou! Wait! Please!" Tohru gasped, struggling to keep up with his quickening pace.

He stopped abruptly and sharply spun around, "Wait?! For what, Tohru?! You lied to me!! Do your realize how much pain you put me through?! Everything in my world crashed after you proposed to Yuki! Everything! There was nothing left! Why should I waste my time on you?!"

His last words stung. Why should he waste his time? She wasn't good enough. The ugly voices chorused again _ugly AND stupid AND…_

She pushed them away, back into the chest of darkness they came from. Locked and sealed under the power of her mind, she focused her attention on Kyou, "It's a good question Kyou, why should you waste your time on me? All this time, I've known that I've never been good enough for you. But maybe I can change that. Maybe I can make myself good enough for you, if you could only let me try-"

"I can't wait around anymore Tohru. I can't play this stupid game of hide and seek. I went searching for you and you turned me away. You weren't truthful with me. Why didn't you tell me? I could've helped you… I loved you Tohru. And I still do. But there's just no trust…"

_An icy grip on both hearts._

Melt into tears.

"No Kyou! Please! Please… please… t-trust me," her voice shuddered, involuntary sobs crawling up her throat. "This time, just, just, know that I'm not lying… I wasted your time… I know that I did - don't go please Kyou, don't turn away, don't leave me… I need you, _you_."

He looked up at the sky, searching for answers. She faced the ground, wishing to cry away the pain.

"You couldn't possibly understand…" he began.

"Understand what?" she asked shakily. "Understand the pain that I've put you through? Well look at me now Kyou! Look! Obviously my tears aren't enough for you and nothing about me was good enough for you! I was right! I'll never be good enough for you! I'm ugly and stupid and everything those crazy voices told me I was! Everything and nothing to you!"

"Understand how much I love you!" he interrupted, ending her tirade.

"If you really loved me…"

"Don't start that crap with me!" Kyou snapped.

"Then why don't you trust me anymore? I did what I thought was right, Kyou. I didn't know what else to do! Those, those rules inside my head, the ones I can't stop thinking about…" Tohru quivered.

"Then I'll give you something else to consider," Kyou replied, wrapping his arms around her and bringing her into a strong embrace.

_Do you love each other?_

Then why do you hurt?

-=+=-

Seven happy months together. A happy couple. Soon, a happy week before their happy wedding. Even a happy Yuki.

A happy trip to the happy corner store. Their last trip together before…

"Milk, eggs, bread… Anything else Tohru?" asked Kyou, one aisle over from Tohru.

"Nope that should be about it!" she called, turning the aisle to go to meet Kyou. 

Suddenly she felt an unpleasant nudge at her back. "Hello Chiriko. You thought you could escape me didn't you? You thought you could abandon me and break my heart, didn't you? Well listen up girlie, you thought wrong," murmured a raspy voice. It stank of stale beer and a powerful hand clamped over her shoulder.

Kyou walked around a barrier of _Timmy Tuna's Crave-olicious Fish_, and saw Tohru being held by a haggard man. Her packages and purse lay abandoned at her feet. "Hey what do you think you're doing?! Let go of my girlfriend you jerk!" he hollered, already advancing towards the DOM and Tohru.

"Stop right there mister. I'm warning ya. This is between me and Chiriko," the man called back.

"Sir, really, I'm not Chiriko, my name's Tohru, Honda Tohru. You've got the wrong person, please let me go-" Tohru whimpered.

"Hah! You think that's gonna work? That's what all the other girls said… My name's Mayli sir, Mayumi, Tanaka," he squeaked, impersonating their pleading voices. "Well I know who you really are! You're Chiriko the bitch who left me, and no matter how many times I kill you, you always come back."

"Let go of her alrea-" Kyou spat, still walking towards the pair.

"Kyou, please, don't come any closer he has a …" Tohru warned, quietly trembling.

Another unpleasant nudge at her back and she clammed up.

"No Chiriko, no noise, no _nothing_," he insisted, keeping the gun at her back.

The female cashier was motioning desperately to Kyou to stop moving, to not come any closer to the man and Tohru… and suddenly Kyou had a weak understanding of what was happening.

There was only one other person in the store, and that was a lady sifting through the magazine section. The habitual _flip flip flip_ of the pages stopped, and the small store fell to silence.

"Thought you could escape, abandon, thought you could, but you didn't, you didn't," taunted the drunken man, giggling psychotically to himself.

"Please please please, let me go, I'm not Chiriko, I'm not Chiriko," Tohru insisted with desperation. How could this be happening?

"Yes you are, and until you're dead, until you're _dead_…" the man whispered.

Too much. Tohru broke away from his grasp and ran towards the door, knowing that safety was only a few feet away. The man took aim of the gun and…

Kyou dove between him and Tohru, hoping and praying to keep her safe.

Two shots rang out, one from the drunken man and another from the cashier, her hands shakily holding a gun.

The man was dead.

And Kyou was dying.

-=+=-

Sunday November 30, 2003

__


	5. Undying

-- Rapture --

****

Chapter 5 - Undying

Tuesday November 11, 2003 (We will remember)

**__**

Scribbler's ramblings: This is a pretty short chapter because I didn't feel like dragging it out.

Disclaimers: Natsuki Takaya! CHA! You rock! BakaBabi! CHA! You don't! =P j/k, but your plot rocks!

-=+=-

The magazine lady had called an ambulance on her cell, a string of nervous profanity escaping her lips after hanging up. The cashier had collapsed onto the floor, unbelieving about what she had just done, dropping the gun and forcing it away from herself, willing its power to leave her alone.

As for Tohru, she had looked back. Looked back just in time to see the drunken man crumple, and her Kyou topple from the unforgiving bullet.

She sank to her knees, cradled him in her arms. Panic, shock, love, anything and everything. "Kyou, don't leave me. We're supposed to be together forever remember? You made your promise, don't lie to me, don't leave me, please Kyou, _stay_," she whispered, streams of tears travelling down her face.

Too much.

The tears fell onto his placid face, and he gingerly stretched up to wipe them from her cheeks. "Tohru, my Tohru, I'll never leave you," he winced, pain in every breath.

But, he was becoming drowsy and his eyelids were closing. Now and forever. She would never see his loving, lively, bright eyes again. Her life was falling. Falling from a grand old oak of Time, and being tormented by breezes of Fate. "I'm sorry Kyou, I did this to you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I love you too much Kyou, promise me you won't leave," Tohru continued, unable to comprehend what was happening. This was her world. Her world couldn't die. Worlds and lives and hearts just didn't do that. They stayed… they stayed… _they stayed_…

"I love you more - than this life Tohru. I - I…" he rasped, trying to force the words out.

His lips were becoming slack, and his grip on her loosened. His eyes no longer focused, and her tears lay untouched upon his face. "…pro-mise."

His breathing paused.

__

Only paused,Tohru thought, trying to convince herself, _only paused dammit, and he'll come back soon enough. He promised, he promised to me he would stay. He's coming back and he would never lie to me. Only paused, this life has only paused for a moment. Only paused, only paused, only paused… _She stopped crying as time froze, and her world tripped and faltered. Her eyes stared at him, urging for him to breathe again. Wanting for him to breathe. Hoping for him to breathe.

__

Only paused.

"We'll go for a picnic tomorrow…"

__

Only paused.

"I'll pack us way more food than either of us can possibly finish…"

__

Only paused.

"We can be together, Kyou…"

__

Only…

me

alone.

"Be together on those sunny days that will _never exist_," she concluded.

The wail of the sirens.

-=+=-

Sunday November 30, 2003


	6. Grasping

-- Rapture --

****

Chapter 6 - Grasping

Thursday November 06, 2003

**__**

Scribbler's ramblings: Angsty-ness coming up (I adore angst).

****

Disclaimers: Fruits Basket not mine.

-=+=-

Kyou. The word pounded through her head and memories swelled from her mind, pushing painfully against the boundaries of her sanity.

Her world had died with him. Every hope and dream, wilted and washed away. Her happiness had faded. Her future had escaped her. Everything inside her felt useless, alone, dead. Dead. Kyou was dead.

She climbed the rungs of the rotting ladder and walked precariously along the slippery shingles. The rain fell from the heavens, pouring out its soul and beating down on her. Her hair limply dripped colourless beads of emotion. "Kyou would have hated a day like this," she murmured, salty tears fighting with the cold, cold rain.

Twice she nearly fell from the slick roof. _No, not yet,_ she pondered. _I have to see him before… before I…_

She couldn't bring herself to say the word. It reminded her too much of him. Too much of the painful, hollow hope that it had all been a dream, but still flung back to this hurtful reality.

The view was still breath-taking. She was upon the same roof where they had shared their first kiss, their first promise. Now all those happy memories only haunted her. They teased her with flashes of his smile, his hair, his eyes. Those red, ember-filled eyes that had been doused.

In her arms, he had died. She was clutching him, wishing that he would never leave, praying and crying to him to stay, _please stay._ The one promise she wished he would keep forever. To stay with her, never leave her presence.

But he had died. Died before she could say she loved him too much for him to leave. Too much for anything bad to happen to him. Too much, that she had asked to be taken with him. 

But she hadn't.

So, she was on the roof, waiting to be taken. Taken from this world without him. Without Kyou.

"Tohru, wait!" cried a voice from behind her.

So familiar, so loving and gentle. "Kyou?" she asked, spinning around to look at the young man behind her.

But it wasn't Kyou, it was Yuki. Only Yuki, who would never comfort her like Kyou did. She turned around again, and looked down at the gray, gray ground, sunken with puddles.

Everything had seemed like Kyou to her. Everything. Everywhere she looked, everywhere she turned, Kyou blasted in her face. But every hope had also been quashed, for upon closer scrutiny, she found it wasn't Kyou. It had never been Kyou. Only in her dreams had she really heard his laugh, seen his smile, touched his face.

Only in her dreams no more. For soon, she would join him.

"Tohru, please, come down," Yuki pleaded, inching towards her on the roof.

"You don't understand do you?" she asked, not bothering to turn around. She continued to stare, down down down to the very depths of everything bleak and forlorn.

"Understand what?" Yuki questioned. He hoped to buy more time to get to Tohru and save her.

"Understand how much he meant to me," she cried, breaking down and sobbing with aching emotion. She collapsed upon her knees, which caused Yuki to freeze, but she still stayed on the roof. He had left her, _left her alone_.

"Come on, Tohru. Do you think that Kyou would have saved you just so that you could die? No. He saved you so you could see another bright day, live…" Yuki tried to persuade.

But logic had no effect on her empty heart, soul and mind. "Another bright day? Live? You use these words as if they were the simplest things to do. My days have been nothing but dark, nothing but lost and torn. As far as I know, I've been _dead_. Walking around on this Earth only because my body keeps me here… You don't understand Yuki, don't understand the pain of the loss of your freedom and love and commitment," she whispered, so quietly that Yuki strained to hear her over the thundering rain.

Yuki didn't understand now, but if she jumped then he certainly would later.

_The life that I lived was devoted to you, Kyou. Every laugh and smile dedicated to you. But Fate has abandoned us. Turned a blind eye towards your way and allowed for you to come into the grips of Death._

I can't let you go. I will never let you go. As long as I can still feel your warmth, I can't get you out of my mind. You were my life Kyou. Where are you now?

"Where are you, Kyou? Where are you while the world crashes around me and winter sweeps away the summer? Where are you when the nights are forbidding and the days too blistering? My sky, my stars, my moon… ripped from this world I've lived. Kyou! Where are you? Please, come back, come home!" Tohru begged.

Her body became limp, and she toppled off the cracked roof.

"Tohru, NO!" Yuki called, lunging towards her without fear.

He fell upon his knees near the edge of the roof, and for a moment their fingers clasped together.

But the weight was too great. The burden and strain on her heart. She fell from his short-lived hold.

Yuki clutched at thin air.

Tohru only grasped her love of Kyou.

The rain crashed down around them, and with a dull thud, Yuki's world crashed too. 

-=+=-

Thursday November 06, 2003


	7. Feign

-- Rapture --

****

Chapter 7 - Feign

Monday November 10, 2003

**__**

Scribbler's ramblings: Whoosh, messed up date because I decided to write this part of the fic early. Yay!

****

Disclaimers: Plot and Furuba don't belong to me! Yay!

-=+=-

Blistering sunshine filtered through the unclear windows, broken by uneven shades. The sheets lay neatly on each bed, each sporting worn-out patches of gray. Each pillow was plumped to its fullest capacity, and artfully placed so that no stains would show. The wallpaper was a bright yellow, a pattern of leaping plush animals breaking the solid colour.

In the entire eerily cheery room, only one occupant was there to "enjoy" the décor. Beside her bed sat a bouquet of strawberry blossoms; white and homely. A few wilted petals littered the table and floor.

The newly painted door creaked open, and in walked a young, violet-eyed man. He strode over to where the tenant sat. "Good morning," he said, his smile replacing his usually sad face.

She looked up from the book she was reading, and smiled a smile as irritatingly cheerful as the room. "Yuki! Good morning! I'm glad to see you today; usually I only have Anne of Green Gables to keep me company," she piped up, motioning towards her book.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing, Tohru," Yuki replied earnestly, grinning back at her with a grin that was ever-so fake. "After your accident and everything…"

"Oh Yuki, I only fell down the stairs," Tohru said sheepishly. "It wasn't anything big and I probably caused Shigure more trouble with the construction workers than I did myself. Besides, it's not like I could've died or anything."

Yuki half-grimaced. If only she knew how close she had been…

"But the doctors say they should be letting me out soon," she continued, blissfully unaware of her friend's inattentiveness for the conversation.

She had been so cold and blue. Dead in his eyes. Her delicate body folded and broken. So horribly twisted. A ballerina in a pirouette of pain.

"… not many things happen here. Sometimes, they let us go into the garden…"

But her life had been not taken. And she had lay there, in her cracked mold, crying because of the pain. Not the pain that spasmed through her body. But the pain that lay so heavy in her heart.

"… so gorgeously yellow. And thank you so much for the strawberry flo…"

Hatori had obviously been called immediately and asked to treat her in more ways than one.

"… oh! But I've been talking too much of myself Yuki. Please, tell me what's happening back at home," Tohru finally stopped, embarrassed that she had been talking for so long.

Yuki shook himself back into room laced with artificial sunshine. "Oh, well… the new baby has come. And unfortunately, it's cursed with the spirit of the … well… the cat," he ended bluntly. The darkness had slowly crept into his words, and he turned away so she would not detect his sadness. 

"The cat?! Wow… I've heard of the cat from the Jyuunishi story before, but I never thought that he would be included in your family! That's so amazing!" she cried, her eyes alight with excitement.

She didn't know how much her joyful words cut through him.

"Did I ever tell you Yuki? I felt so bad for the cat, but _I loved him with all my heart_!" she breathed, clasping her hands together with admiration.

The images flooded back into Yuki's troubled mind. Her tear-streaked face and eyes such a hurtful red. Her hair, limp from the rain, and yellow ribbons turned an ugly mustard. Her suffering. Her suffering all for the sake of the cat. All for the sake of Kyou.

Yuki looked at her strangely, and forcibly contained the emotion in his voice. He murmured words that left her puzzled, "Yes Tohru, you loved the cat so much."

And despite it all, Tohru smiled.

-=+=-

the end

-=+=-

Monday November 10, 2003


	8. Emptiness

-- Rapture --

**Epilogue - Emptiness**

Monday January 12, 2004

**_Scribbler's ramblings:  _**_Someone asked me to write an epilogue.  I guess I'd try my hand at it, for lack of a better thing to do.  Not that it was a bad idea.  I just mean that given the choice of doing homework, studying for exams or writing another part of a fanfic, I rather do this (probably the least responsible thing to do, but take that Mandatori!)._

**_Disclaimers:_**_  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I wish!_

-=+=-

            The house is quiet.  The walls are stoic.  The houseplants sit.  The floor lays still.  I am going crazy from this everlasting silence.

            It feels so empty now.  Yuki's at work and Shigure's probably bothering that editor of his.  Oh dear.  Poor thing.

            It's my day off today.  I hate days off.  I can't stand days off.  I absolutely, positively despise days off.  I have nothing to do.  I have no one to turn to on my days off.

            The sun's already set and the day's gone.  Today is gone, and tomorrow is coming soon.  I don't like the darkness.  It just makes me feel emptier.

            Oh, I'm not hungry.  If I was, Uo and Hana would probably storm the house and demand what Yuki and Shigure and…

            What they were keeping from me.

            After all, food is very important.  I know that.  I eat three square meals a day.  I still cook for Yuki and Shigure.  I still stay in the maddeningly quiet house.

            But I feel like there's something missing.

            It's silly though, because nothing's missing.  Nothing's missing from this quiet, peaceful, placid world of mine.

            It's getting cold.  I'm lighting the fireplace.  The embers are still glowing from last night, and all I have to do is rekindle them.  It's fun to watch the flames uselessly lick at the sides of the fireplace.  They dance over the logs and cast sparks forward towards the hearth.  I set up the screen Yuki and Shigure bought.  It's to keep the fire away from me.

            The family.  The family.  The family.  What is there to say about the family?  Kagura's been unusually depressed lately.  She can't seem to get her mind off something.  Every time she sees me, her eyes well up.

            The sadness, it's strange to see.  Me, I have nothing to be sad about.  I'm so perfectly happy.  There is no sadness in my life.

            Just this maddening emptiness.

            The emptiness of the house and of something else.

            They say a house is not a home without…

            Love.  Which I have plenty of.  I think.  I hope.  I guess.

            I'm missing something.

            I miss.

            The day's leaving, and night has finally overthrown the sky.  The twinkling darkness that leaves more to be hoped for.

            I have nothing else to do but wait for the day.

            I'll wait for the day forever.  Just to fill this emptiness.

-=+=-

            "Good evening, Tohru," called Yuki from the front door.

            "Yuki, hello.  I was getting so lonely," she said, strolling to his side.  "Let me take your coat.  I've already prepared dinner and Shigure should be coming back soon."

            She brightened and smiled a smile that didn't fill her hollow eyes.  "He should be coming back soon," she repeated.

            Yuki smiled at her.  His expression was strained, but Tohru didn't notice.  She bustled away, into the kitchen.

            _She's lonely, Yuki.  She's lonely and you know it.  You can see it in her eyes, read it on her face.  She tries so hard, Yuki.  So hard to remember what she has forgotten, but it will never come back._

_            She'll never be as happy as she was with him.  She'll never be happy without him.  Her life will be an unspoken burden upon herself._

_But I guess that's what we get.  That's what we get for robbing her of her Kyou.  For taking away half of her life.  _

_I guess that's what we get._

-=+=-

Monday March 01, 2004


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